Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
