I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
