GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize