areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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