I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
