how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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