textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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