he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
