so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
