Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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