I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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