I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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