i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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