i may or may not be watching the land before time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
