That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
