I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
