so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
