I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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