someone owes me an orgasm
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she pinky promised me she was 18
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
