i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
