just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
