Girls should come with a carfax report
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
