we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize