I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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