At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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