since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
