I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize