I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
