Jerry, you need to find god
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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