she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
