you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
