I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
