If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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