life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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