i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
