Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
did i just pee glitter
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize