Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
