So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
