My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
