She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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