Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
