ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
