I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
