You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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