which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
