ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
