Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
