im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
