does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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