nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize