you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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