thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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