I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't think brook has ever known best
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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