The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
