In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize