Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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