He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
