she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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