You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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