Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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