you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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