3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
